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Successful conflict solvers are always good listeners. Good
listening is always all about showing one´s interest, avoiding
misunderstandings and signalizing some understanding. Listening is hard work –
it is more difficult than talking. It gets really difficult if not only the
understanding of facts is important, but – as in all conflicts – also the
understanding of moods, emotions, defensiveness, resistance, etc.
The reflection, i.e. the reporting back of the own understanding of these
emotional contents, is the classic tool for a successful breakthrough in
conflict processes.
Examples:
Conflict
Partner
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Myself
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”Your offer
shows me that you are not concerned at all about the special technical
characteristics of my company. You only think about your own
concerns.”
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“If I
understand you correctly, you are angry because we did not already
consider your company´s specific details in our offer.”
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“When I think
of the additional costs which we are facing, I can as well say goodbye
to my company now.
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“You are
probably afraid that the costs will expand and that would not be very
healthy for your image as a product manager."
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“I am not going to listen to this
nonsense any more. If I had known how incompetent you are, I wouldn´t
have invited you at all.”
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“You are
apparently still mad at me because we have contrasting opinions on this
single aspect.”
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